You may be a hands-on mother to your babies, looking, after all, their needs and being there for them through the thick and thin. But there could be days when you feel you are a bad mother because you lose your cool and get frustrated. The fact is, this happens to most of the moms out there. Nobody is perfect! Everyone has bad days.
We experience anger, an emotion that is not bad in itself, provided you do not let this emotion overpower you. When we let anger take control over us, we get caught in a cycle of feeling guilty. It is essential to realize that anger is a sign that something is wrong. You must dig deeper to get to the problem to be able to find a solution. Moreover, when you project your anger in the form of yellings, snapping, losing control, saying hurtful things, etc., it will have a negative impact on your kids. You must remember that your kids need a safe and comfortable space to grow and develop, and all that yelling and conflict is not going to do them any good.
As a mother, you could already have so much on your platter. But learning how to remain calm under pressure does the trick and gets you through most of those tough times. This article will share some tips on how to stay calm and overpower that angry mom within you. Read on to know more!
What triggers you to feel angry?
Being a parent is an important job that often involves balancing different aspects of your life, including work, family time, household chores, social activities, and children's activities. In such a case, if things do not go as planned, it is natural for you to lose your calm and feel angry. Several factors can trigger you to feel angry. But it is essential to recognize those trigger points and work on them.
Tips to keep angry mom in check
Firstly, you must know that anger is a normal emotion, and it is okay to feel angry. It is how you project your anger that would lead to feelings of guilt and despair. So let us now talk about how can we keep that angry mom within us in check, for which I have curated a list of essential tips that will answer your question of how to remain calm under stress?
1. Identify your trigger points-
Like I mentioned earlier, the first step is to identify the source of your anger and become aware of it to learn to cope and prepare. A few of the obvious trigger points could be feeling lonely, tired, or hungry. You must take care of your basic needs to maintain a healthy emotional state of mind. By finding your triggers, you may realize that some of them aren't even important, or you might find ways to prevent the situation from happening altogether.
Once you have identified what angers you, you can do a few things to start calming yourself down. This could mean indulging in self-care. Here are some ways in which you can calm yourself down:
If you cannot step away from your child, you can do the following –
Breathe – Try to slow down your breathing. Breathe in for two seconds and breathe out for four. Do this until your heart rate slows down.
If you can step away from your child, you can do the following-
Take a warm bubble bath.
Light a candle and read a book
Go out for a run or a walk.
Do anything that soothes you, like listening to music, flicking through a magazine, journaling, etc.
Voice your feelings by talking to a friend, family member, or partner.
Ensure your child is in a safe space before you go ahead with any of the above activities.
3. Reflect on your actions and situation-
Once you have calmed yourself down, it is best to reflect on your actions while feeling angry. Reflecting on your feelings and activities can help you learn, grow and handle the situation better in the future. You can do a simple exercise by asking yourself some of these questions:
Why was I upset about this?
How important is this?
How do I want to sort this situation?
4. Set a good example for your children-
It would help if you let your kids know that feeling angry is okay, but hurting someone in anger is not okay. A simple sorry for yelling or losing your temper can send a strong message to your kids that it is essential to find healthy ways of handling that anger.
5. Set clear boundaries and rules for your children-
It quite natural for you to lose your calm if your child disobeys or back answers you, and in the heat of the moment, you may even end up projecting your anger in a way it would lead to a guilt trip later (Although! It is not okay is your child disobeys you). So the best solution to this is to set and communicate clear rules and boundaries for your kids. For instance, if your child disobeys you, he/she loses a privilege or so as a consequence. Setting boundaries may seem to be harsh, but these are equally important if you want to keep that angry mommy in you within a check and at the same time discipline your kids the right way.
6. Set realistic expectations for yourself and your kids-
When you seek unrealistic expectations from your relations, which causes the ship to sink, for instance, if you have a small child who still takes naps, it will be unfair to schedule something important in the middle of the nap time. There is every possibility of the child being cranky, which means a meltdown and frustration on your part. So set more realistic expectations from your family and yourself.
Momma! You are doing great. It is okay if you feel frustrated and angry at times. We all do! But if you implement the tips I just gave you, I am sure you would see a big difference in the way you project your anger.
There are 101 ways of parenting, but the most important is the need to engage with your child. Talk to your children, get to know them. It will help you to see past their flaws and mistakes (after all, you are flawed too)
As a daily reminder for yourself, feel free to download this free printable and maybe stick it at a place that meets your sight frequently (perhaps a fridge?!)
Also, if you have not checked out Cutesy cup blogs on parenting, here are some of the blogs you must give it a read-
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